If you ever find yourself saying, I only get to have sex once in a blue moon OR I haven’t really enjoyed sex in years OR Sex? What’s that? It may be about time to make a fucket list.
The good ol’ Urban Dictionary has two definitions for a fucket list. One has to do with items on your To Do list that you’re not really getting around to, so you might as well say fuck it. The other one—the one I’m advocating—is a list of things you want to do in bed before you die. In other words, things on your sexual To Do list that you really want to do.
Seeing that anything I don’t write down these days gets completely erased from my brain the minute I walk out of the room, I’m working diligently on my fucket list. I’m sizing up where I want to go sexually, weighing my options, and using my imagination. Of course, there are no official rules when making a fucket list, so I’m pretty much making them up as I go. For me, these guidelines seem to be helping me keep my focus:
- Think of the list as a cross between fantasy and reality. Sure, it may be fun to put blowing Tim Tebow on my fucket list, but if I really want to engage in an act like that some day, I may just put down that I want to give head to a player in the NFL. Then again, if I really want to start crossing items off of my list, I may opt for banging a former college football player who aspired to be in the NFL . . . or a guy who just watches a lot of football.
- Thinking about the consequences may put a damper on your creativity, but it can also transform it by narrowing your options to actual possibilities. I really like sweet, young men. For this reason, you may think that having sex with one of my students (I teach at the college level) could make my list. And I suppose it could. What is more likely, however, is that I have sex with a college student—not my own—so that way I’m less likely to be fired. See? I still get the adorable, hot stud without losing my job over it.
- Write the list in and out of bed. Thinking about all of the juicy things you want to do is a great turn on with a partner or vibrator. In both cases, imagining fantasies coming to life gets the moment heated up and pulsing. Making a fucket list while in bed, however, can also prove difficult. You may get lube all over your notebook. Your laptop may crash to the ground while you are riding Cowgirl and trying to type. Any number of things can happen while you work at combining writing while getting off. May I suggest keeping a small, bedside journal beside your bed for moments of sheer inspiration and leave the real fucket list writing for times when you have a slow day at the office? Think of this small booklet as a very personal, very sexy dream journal.
- Unless you have a partner with whom you want to coordinate efforts, fucket lists also tend to be private lists. I don’t keep mine pinned to my refrigerator, for example. I’m not going to bore you with the details here, either. No one really wants to know that you dream about arranging a supervised gangbang in a hotel room in Vegas except for you. No one except you, that is, and the men answering your Craigslist personal.
- Fucket lists don’t have to be prioritized, numbered, or grouped. There is no need to waste your time making a Venn diagram, for God’s sake. They are also not set in stone. As you increase your sexual appetite, change partners, and grow more accustomed to your kinks, by all means make additions and changes to your fucket list. I used to fantasize constantly about having sex with two men at once. Time and time again I returned to that scenario in my private moments, and it always got me off. Now that I’ve tried it, I realize that it’s not my favorite way to have sex. It is okay in person, but what I really like is imagining it. Situations similar to sex with two men, then, probably don’t belong on my fucket list. I can fantasize about having sex with a group of men on a boat—but I probably don’t want to go there in real life.
- Fucket lists are, by nature, designed to help you grow sexually. If you are at a stage in your life where buying Anal Eze is beyond the scope of something you are willing to try, then you may want to start by adding to your list that you will at least walk into a sex shop to browse. If you are at the point in your sexual experience where you have had so many partners you need to move out of state to find a new batch of lovers—try and imagine ways you can be more daring AND alluring AND satisfied with those partners. Maybe it’s time to try giving a T-girl a blow job or experiment with BDSM. People at all levels of sexual experience can benefit from a fucket list.
We will not have another blue moon until 2015. Between now and then you will have right around 1,000 days and nights to live out your wildest fantasies. That gives you at least hundreds of chances to spread your sexual wings and fly to the moon. What are you waiting for?