You Know You’re Good in Bed When . . . .

When I see his name flash on my phone, I’m more than a little pleased.  Just last night I texted him asking if he had any friends who might want to come out and play?  Of course, I really want him, but he has a girlfriend now, and so I’m strictly off limits.  Bad Boy Abercrombie was my birthday present this year, and I must say, unwrapping his package made more than one wish come true that night.

Hearing from Bad Boy Abercrombie this morning—think Abercrombie and Fitch model all tatted up—further confirms something I’ve suspected for a while now:  I’m pretty damn good in bed.  Yeah, sure, I’ve had lots of practice, but there’s got to be more to it than that, right? Here’s what I think is true for me–is it true for you?:

  1. You love sex.  You think about it, crave it, and go after it in your free time.  When you have the opportunity to have sex, it’s usually a wonderful treat that leaves you feeling warm, cozy, and just a wee bit light headed.  It’s more than just a hobby—it’s a passion.
  2. Talk / Talk.  When you are with a lover, the two of you communicate the various things that turn you on.  This is typically done playfully in hushed tones and a few nibbles to the ear thrown in for good measure.  After sex is another time the two of you talk—you chat about this and that.  In other words, sex isn’t the only way you are intimate with each other.
  3. You get off.  The men I’ve been with regularly tell me that they love getting women off.  This is such a huge turn-on for men, in fact, that when it doesn’t happen, it’s a bit of a letdown.  They aim to please.  I actually have a lot of difficulty having orgasms.  When I have them, though, they are so overwhelming that my ears ring and I nearly pass out.  It’s hot.
  4. He likes your dog.  Naughty Cowboy and I have been lovers for almost a year now, and I just found out last week that he doesn’t particularly like dogs:  “They’re okay but not my thing.”  Every night we spend together my dog is there at the foot of the bed—and Naughty Cowboy hasn’t complained once.  In fact, every time I come over he makes a point of petting and getting a bowl of water for my little pooch.  He’s smitten with both of us.
  5. You are NOT a “Yes” girl.  While I’m a huge fan of pushing boundaries and leaving your comfort zone from time to time, you know you are good in bed when you also say: “No, thank you.”  Men really respect women with confidence who know what they want.  If you’ve ever wondered what the big draw is with young men and older women, it’s usually because the younger men appreciate women who tell him what they like.  And, by that very same logic, they also like it when women communicate what they don’t like.
  6. He calls you for reasons other than sex.  Sure, I get calls in the middle of the night.  And, yes, I know what they’re all about.  I also get “Good morning, sexy” texts; “How was your day?” emails; and “Just wanted to say, ‘Hi’” notes tucked under my windshield wipers.  The lovers in my life make a point to nurture the down time so that when we do get all hot and horny for each other, there’s more going on than simply sex.  We like each other.  We look out for each other.  And, while we may not exchange Hallmark greetings on a regular basis, we keep in touch.
  7. He keeps coming back for more.  I realize that for many people, the one night stand is super sexy—I just don’t have it happen very often.  In most cases, if I have a casual encounter with a man, we agree that we’d like to do it again.  And again.  I’m not saying I have men coming out of the woodwork for me every second, and these things do fizzle after a while, but for the men I know, when they find something they like they ask for seconds.
  8. When watching porn, you can tell if it’s a good blow job.  More than a few young women have asked me how to give good head.  My standard answer used to be, “Watch a little porn and pick up a few tricks that way.”  Then I watched more porn myself and was shocked to find out that many of the women there don’t suck dick very well.  Sure, they play with spit (and spit DOES help) and use their hands, but the ones who do it really well do much, much more.  My answer today?  “If you want to give a good blow job, you need to love giving head.  Dig right in.  Breathe through your nose, learn how to open your throat, and don’t forget the balls.”
  9. You can take it in the ass.  While it may take a few times together before he admits it, many men love ass fucking.  There’s a certain let’s just get nasty-ness about the whole act.  That and most butt holes are really, really tight.  They are so tight, in fact, that it’s important to use lube specifically designed for the ass.   Also, be sure he wears a condom.
  10.  Your classiness trumps your slutty side.  While I have no problem whoring it up, I always try to do it in a classy way.  Sure, I send sexts to lovers with provocative pictures—I just make them more pin-up than Hustler.  I certainly don’t shy away from asking for sex—I just try and make it flirty and fun.  Being a dirty slut can be a turn on from time to time, but men value respect more than anything, so being a whore in their eyes all of the times probably isn’t in your best interest.  They will still have sex with you, but you’re probably not someone they think is an amazing lover.

The first time Bad Boy Abercrombie and I have sex it’s in the pool.  I’m lounging on one of those stupid floating noodles chatting on AND on AND on about all sorts of I-can’t-stop-talking-when-I’m-nervous nonsense when I accidentally bump into his hard, naked body.  We begin kissing until there is no going back.  The kisses start off wet, soft and sweet but quickly we get much more aggressive.  Lust will do that—it takes hold and makes small bites to the upper lip morph into thrusting choke holds.  Waves lapped around my face as Bad Boy Abercrombie grabbed my hair, pulling me down, and I think for a brief second, “If I drown right now, it would all be worth it.”

Mmmmm.  What works for you?


  1. My ears are red from reading this. You trump Chelsea Handler…

    What part of the country are you in? I wonder if I am totally naive and in for a rude awakening….what have I gotten myself into!

  2. […] write about, but I liked the idea of doing it anonymously. My early posts were naïve, full of advice, and an ongoing record of some of my sexual […]

  3. […] thank him for that.  Blue Eyes taught me how to let go of inhibitions and just fuck like crazy.  Bad Boy Abercrombie was the hottest guy I ever laid eyes on let alone spread my legs […]

  4. […] Naughty Cowboy told me that I had met my match—that I was basically going to be blown away by him and never be […]

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