Have you ever wished you were a virgin again? What would make your re-virginization list? How determined are you to actually do it?
Renewal. Refresh. Revive. Revving up those engines. I don’t know about you, but writing down a list helps me keep my goals and actually achieve something rather than simply get through the daily grind of whatever gets thrown my way. With a list I can plan for things I really want to do OR accomplish OR try on for size.
Over the next six months, I want to try on being a virgin all over again. That’s right—I want to do a whole shitload of things I’ve never done before and relive the experience of being a brand spanking newbie. I want to feel innocence again. I want to wonder. I want to explore the unknown.
Similar to the “fucket” list, this list can be sexual in nature, but it doesn’t have to be—the only rule is everything on the list has to give you that fresh, virginal feeling all over again because it’s something you’ve never tried before.
Who’s with me?
1) Fire a handgun. Years ago in New Orleans I had a date ask me to hold his Glock in my lap while he rooted around in the glove box for who knows what, but that’s the closest I’ve ever been to a gun. Ideally, I would have a courtyard full of zombies to take down, but in reality I would be fine with a run-of-the-mill shooting range. Luckily for me, Damn Man has already agreed to help me take aim and fire.
2) Buy a strap-on and use it. I like the idea of growing a temporary penis and fucking the brains out of some poor date. I’m not sure if this date would be a man or a woman (I don’t really care, to be honest), but I want him/her to also be a virgin in terms of strap-on experience, if possible. I also want a crowd of onlookers cheering us on.
3) Visit Montana. I live in the Rocky Mountains, so visiting another western state probably seems redundant. If you’ve seen one mountain range, you’ve seen them all—right? I suspect you skeptical fucks are probably right, but I still want to check it out firsthand. I also wouldn’t mind terribly if I visit this state with a strapping young cowboy who’s hung like a horse. Just saying.
4) Stay the night in a yurt. I’m not the most outdoorsy chick out there, but I have always wanted to take a hut trip on snowshoes with a group of people and stay in a yurt. For those of you who have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about, a yurt is a tent raised on a platform with cots and a fireplace in the middle. It’s definitely roughing it, but just so long as I have a hottie (or two) to keep me warm, I think I could really get into this type of camping.
5) Successfully run a 10-K. Technically I’ve entered and finished 10-K runs, but I’ve always done them poorly and walked at some point during the course. This time around I want to finish strong and feel as though I’m in that elite group of runners who actually run instead of jog at a very slow pace.
6) Send my book on dating/relationships/sex to an agent. When I was in graduate school I finished my dissertation and received a PhD after months of research AND bullshit AND committee ass-kissing. For this book—MY book—all I need to do is write it and make changes suggested by my publishing coach. I have a six month incubation period and then this baby will be sent out. That’s it. A piece of cake—right?
I have until my birthday—six months away—to complete my list. The countdown starts today.